I recall seeing a post that asked when you feel the most freedom. I replied while being in the nude. Physically, I feel free of exterior barriers that may interfere with movement and restrict my natural self. But it was not until this past weekend that I felt my most freedom mentally.
"We are going to emancipate ourselves from mental slavery, for though others may free the body, none but ourselves can free the mind." -Marcus Garvey
Many times we live in a world where we conform ourselves to be acceptable in the eyes of others. Our careers greatly influence how we are shaped, families, religion, and even social norms. If we could be our natural selves would we still be considered acceptable? I think our mental freedom is faulted by traditional upbringing and generational misguidance in some cases.
Who decides who you're supposed to be?
From being an infant to an adult age for the most part our parents and families play a huge role in what we deem as right or wrong. When expressing ourselves we are often corrected by others that may not see it as the right thing to do so we make changes. Growing up I wore baggy clothing such as pants and big shirts. I even had to have a pair of loc sunshades, my pants had to be creased and of course, a baseball cap going to the back. My dad made it comfortable for me to dress and express myself in a way that was pleasing to me at that age. On the other side, my mom would dress me in ruffle socks, polka dot dresses, and barrettes, and I dare not go outside to play because I would fall and get scars and surely I couldn't get dirty. This led me to think about how there are rights and wrongs even with the smallest things such as dress. I was okay dressing hippie back then and even now. But sometimes, I question myself and start to analyze my decision of wearing jogging pants and sweatshirts. I notice subconsciously I will try to even it out with make-up and earrings. I was hoping to balance my appearance with what I grew up being taught by my parents. It was okay to express yourself but there were limits to how you expressed yourself. My mother didn't like the tomboyish look because she wanted me to embrace my femininity and present myself as such. My dad on the other hand was more on the hippie side and really didn't give a "fart" about what others thought or their opinions on things. This shaped me in the coolest way I think because I am able to express myself in ways that are pleasing to me but I do have to be mindful of when, where, and how I express myself as well.
Building on understanding my mental and physical freedom
I strongly believe in "skeletons in the closet." People have some things that they have done or said and will take them to the grave before speaking out or seeking help about it. I think many times it is hidden because they are afraid of the judgment and ridicule they may face from others. From my experience of this, I held on to things from my past for over thirty years and recently spoke out about it within the past five years with my close family members and friends. Not long ago, I went on a journey of finding myself and walking in the truth of both the positive and negative energies of my being. I knew if I wanted to become free or experience total freedom I would have to free both the mental and physical barriers that I may have had. My first step was seeking out the truth in which my belief system stood, ripping apart my traditional practices which seem to be the hardest. But overall, erasing the fear of what others saw me as has been my greatest reward from this journey.
Real Spill Deal
Now, there has always been some backlash about telling how many sexual partners someone has had because it would give room to be judged. So you either tell a smaller number or you avoid the question altogether. But I stepped out of the box and answered the question, honestly. Let's just say the person was not prepared for the 3.4 billion people I had sexual encounters with. A couple of months went by before the ridicule started and the response that I received was, "For a person looking for security, how can a lock that has been opened by many keys want anything," I read it twice, and by the third time of preparing myself to read it again I laughed. I later got an apology for the statement but it made me think of all of the people that may not be as free to tell their stories or hide behind their past due to this very reason. But the truth is, once you remove the barriers of fear and step into your true being by the knowledge and understanding of who you are the fear is erased and you love yourself even more than ever. No more will you care or be shackled with past trauma. You are destined for greatness through your strong and weak moments. There is a balance of energies that comes with this life and you must understand that those times will come but only for a moment. There is not one person who has a clean sleigh. Therefore be who you want to be, and do what you want at that time. Over the past weekend, I felt the best I ever felt during my "finding freedom journey" because at the moment my mental and physical barriers were broken. I didn't care who saw me, where I was and how I looked to the world. I was in my natural state and unapologetic. My next thing is to re-enact the Erykah Badu "Window Seat" video and I will be OFFICIAL!
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