Cheating can be considered a variety of things depending on how it is defined to a person. Cheating can be overlooked and forgiven, then on the other hand, one strike and you're out. If a person thinks they will get away with it, they will do it. This behavior starts as early as a toddler. Though there are many forms of cheating, let's focus on the main one, cheating while in a relationship.
"The black man has never had a history of settling with one woman." -Shahrazad Ali
Scenario One: I went to visit a high school boyfriend. As high schoolers we take someone with us or at least try to hook them up with a friend. I fell asleep and noticed my homegirl and boyfriend coming out of the back room. I asked what were you two doing? They replied, "just talking." Both looking very suspicious I figured it was something going on. Later I find out through a guilty conscious that they slept together.
Should I trust him? Was this considered cheating? Forgive or forget?
Scenario Two: I am sitting at my boyfriend's house and there is a knock on the door. His mom answers the door and there is a female voice asking if my boyfriend is home. The mother replies no he is not. She calls her son into the living area and whispers something to him. I assume she was telling him that someone was looking for him. He came back to the area in which we were but never spoke about the situation. Years later he states that the girl came to visit him.
Should I trust him? Was this considered cheating? Forgive or forget?
Scenario Three: I am home, pregnant with twins. I received a phone call saying that my boyfriend had been seen with a girl in his truck and they appeared to be kissing. I called him and he denied it. To add to this situation, I found condoms and pictures of other women. Six years later, he admitted that the accusations were true.
Should I trust him? Was this considered cheating? Forgive or forget?
Scenario Four: I came home and prepared for prayer after having a rough week. I overheard my boyfriend on the phone with appeared to be a woman. The tone was soft and seemed very intimate. I walked in and asked who he was talking to. He mutes the phone and tells me I'm on the phone. I asked the question again. He unmutes the phone and tells the person to let him call them back. He then tells me that he was talking to a woman that had previously, falsely accused him of being the father of her husband's child. She also had been sending him different pictures of her, claiming to be his baby mother after the test proved differently.
Should I trust him? Was this considered cheating? Forgive or forget?
Cheating is a choice and is done when believing that one can get away with it. However, if the two have talked about their personal friends and have come to an agreement of outside friendships then I see no fault. The issues are when friendships have not been screened or approved by your partner. I am a true believer that friends of the opposite sex and even the same sex can lead to an attraction depending on time spent and how intimate they become with each other. I too believe that any relationship is developed by an attraction to physical or personality traits. This makes it easier to develop a sexual or intimate relationship unconsciously. Cheating is an act of greed and self-gratification without regard for the other person's feelings.
Both men and women have a history of cheating and one does not cheat more than the other. Though, it is supposedly said there are some statistics that says men cheat more but I disagree. I think women cheat more they just don't get caught as often as men. (Sorry ladies) This does not make us better at the skill it makes us no better than the men. Cheating had become my thing. I was hurt and not healed from past experiences and wanted to share that same hurt. It made me feel as though I had this super power that no one could touch. When one lacked, I had another to pick up the slack. But I was only sharing the most beautiful part of me with people that were undeserving of my soul. I started to feel drained, lowered vibrations, self-esteem issues and I was causing more issues for myself than anything. It is truly a lot to deal with. Especially when trying to hide one dude from the next, using warm water and vinegar to cleanse the impurities, lol. Being scared to go to certain places hoping you are not seen, and most of all sleeping with your phone. It's overwhelming, Whew Child!
I think when one is enlightened and has clarity in the direction of their life it is easier to know what to expect from others. Monogamy seems to be outdated but yet it is still a choice that some see fit for their lives. There is no right or wrong way to relationships. It is the agreement that is laid out among the people in the relationship. Therefore, communication is a necessity to a healthy relationship even if it is with two or more people.
What Is Infidelity?
Infidelity, or cheating, is the act of being unfaithful to a spouse or other partner. It typically means engaging in sexual or romantic relations with a person other than one's significant other, breaking a commitment or promise in the act.
Social Media Says...
Types of Cheating:
1. Flirting
2. Sexually Unfaithful
3. Online dating
4. Emotionally Unfaithful
5. Talking/Texting someone else privately
6. Sharing photos with someone privately
7. Watching porn, use of sexual toys
8. Crushing/ Stalking another person, person's social media
9. Accepting gifts from others knowing the grounds in which the gifts are given
10. Visting with ex-partners, spending time with ex's
Questions:
Should we accept the fact that men have no history of settling with one woman?
Should we allow our men/woman to have at least one other partner to satisfy their needs?
Would it be considered cheating if they told you in the beginning of the relationship about their infidelity issues?
Is it the black man that has no history of settling for one woman or men period?
A few years ago, I found myself writing poetry every day. I'm an over thinker so my brain goes in and out of thoughts. My disclaimer is... " I will never talk about anything that I have not lived aka survived through." So, I hope this poem brings you laughter and encouragement to know you can stand even through a breakup or a cheating spouse.
"Crown Adjustment"
I laugh at the misbelief, misconceptions, and mistrust of my abilities to be great
I am more than the person that your feelings told to hate.
This is a new experience and I embrace the lesson
I begged for your connection no more second-guessing
How dare I go to hide in a hole
As if my life was taken or my freedom was stole
I gave you my time, body, and heart
Your intentions were never pure from the start
I smile at your attempt to break me down
Give me one good week to adjust my crown
I am not ashamed of trying to make it right
I am not weak bitch, so I don’t do anything without a fight
Let’s be honest one woman wasn’t good enough
I wasn’t fulling the boredom.
I’ve struck your ego way too long,
Plea bargaining and begging as if I was doing wrong
The old me want to say fuck you and keep trucking
I'm really upset because you were the only one, I was fucking
I let my guard down way to soon, I should’ve saw straight
Through your ass like you were a glass-built room.
©Ife Mensah
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