Can I get a big round of applause for those who are aware of what makes them happy without regard of what others think? "BRAVO!!!"
"Love is equally reciprocated when the source is intact." -Earth Waters
My co-worker and I was sitting and conversing on how as parents, spouses or being in a relationship can consume you to the point where you forget about yourself. We mentioned that we put so much before us that we forget the things that once made us truly happy. After going to work for 8-10 hours, coming through the door cooking and cleaning, taking care of the children, being a teacher, nurse and coach for another 6-7 hours, crashing to bed for 7 hours leaving approximately 0 hours for yourself. This may be a bit of a concern when trying to find time to choose happiness. She stated, the last time she remembered being happy was around the age of 17. I sat and thought how I was younger than 17 years of age, more like 12. Why was this I thought?
If you are doing one or more things on this list, more than likely you are putting yourself last:
Expecting yourself in others
Have trouble saying, "No"
Desire to help others who refuse to help themselves
Feeling the need to help everyone
Allowing people to hurt you repeatedly
Holding back your feelings, emotions and thoughts
Avoid conflict
Get complacent
I continued to talk with her learning we had a lot in common even up to the point where we were in our lives. Our children were young adults, we both got married at a very young age and started a family, growing up pretty fast and simply giving up ourselves for our families. I thought about many others who may have encountered this same situation.
My heart became heavy because the most caring and nurturing people often goes unnoticed even to themselves. So I asked what could possibly be a resolve to this error being made in our lives. We must put our happiness on the forefront of our agenda. Being a mother and wife we are taught and expected to put our children and spouses first. This could definitely harm the family when the primary nurturer is unhappy or unhealthy mentally or emotionally. There should be balance within two parent households to avoid an overload on one parent. Setting chores and having a defined set of rules and order from both children and parents will help in the home. If there is not more than one parent in the home, there are other options to consider such as parks where both parent and children can have time, early bedtimes to allow parent quiet time to reflect on their day, journaling feelings and thoughts, calling the one person you can to give you a break and the list goes on.
My resolve to this issue is an easy fix with one simple question:
How would this affect me?
Having the answer to this question in simple and complex situations has been found to help me make decisions and make choices. I will no longer put a halt on my happiness for absolutely anyone. Some may consider this selfish and in fact it is. Being selfish is okay when it is not doing things at the expense of others and their feelings. But would you rather the title of selfless? (selfless: a person who is generous and not concerned with themselves) When putting yourself first you start to embrace self-love, self-care, courage, setting boundaries and serenity. It may not be understood by others as this will be different for you and to others because truth be told, people get comfortable to your level of comfort and complacency in your life and conflict begins.
Some of the ways to practice self-care and self-love:
Be mindful of your purpose
Meditate at least once a day
Limit the time on social media
Yoga/Exercise at least 30 minutes a day
Set long term and short term goals
Create routines for your off days
Take yourself on a date
Journal your personal growth
Do something you said you would never do
Create a vision board
Connect with like minded people
Take a day off to simply do nothing
You will slowly see the progression being made in your life and you will tend to practice it more as it will start to be fulfilling to experience this happiness that has no other influence but you being willing to change and grow as a person.
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