Me, You and One More

Should we allow our man/woman to have at least one other partner to ensure their needs are met? Many times it is already being done, it just hasn't been communicated with the primary partner. This often happens when communication is not strong in the relationship and the person fears the response of their partner. The possibilities are endless when analyzing why one refuses to communicate their needs to their partners.

"Relationships are formed on the foundation where there is a balance of give and take. -Earth Waters

As much as I am supportive of allowing my partner to have at least one other partner. I don't think my jealousy would allow it to be a healthy outcome. I have never been in a situation where it came to the point or where one has even asked, if it was okay to talk to another woman. Though I have been in situations where I have found out about other women. I was without clue of their existence in the relationship I was in. I believe in some instances this is where friends come into play in our lives. It fills the parts that we are missing. I have both female and male bestfriends in which I share information or have certain conversations that I wouldn't dare discuss with someone I am involved with. We laugh and joke about the most sensitive topics that would probably get us looked at as crazy or weird. But it gives balance to the relationship.

My reasons that supports an outside partner is a firm belief that there is not a relationship where there is a total of 100% commitment or satisfaction. As people we are never satisfied and we tend to like more. Sexual activity is not always the grounds in which one may seek outside of their relationship. In some instances it can be simply conversations, outings, venting, help with decisions, and a list of other reasons. However, these same grounds can lead to sexual activity and should be considered when allowing your partner to have outside friendships or having an extra partner. For me, I would have to meet the person, and actually build a relationship as well to know the ends and outs of the relationship. It would have to come to the point where one may understand you are not just seeing/dating one but both.

Many times religion is thrown into what we do in our lives. The bible is often used to justify nearly everything. So it lead me to do research only to find out that this was the way of the world even back then. Men had multiple wives and concubines.

So when and why did we get away from this practice?

Christianity rejected this practice and normalized monogamy around 285 A.D as they saw it more acceptable in the eyes of God. It was not until the late 1800s when it started to become against the laws. The most recent case of this was in Utah where Utah legislature passed a law to decriminalize polygamy in 2020.

I wonder how would the world be if we were able to have more than one partner without judgement of laws and from people. There has been a great deal of polyamory relationships that has come out since the rights for the LGBTQ movement. I found myself confused as to why would one be legal and the other is not. I feel that more heterosexual relationships should openly practice polyamory to normalize the needs and rights for people to be who they are. Oftentimes we are so conformed to the way of the world around us that we forget that we own ourselves. That we are able to think and believe what we want. There are so many other shackles we live by such as work, laws, tradition and religion. Being a non-conformists I play the devils advocate to many things and challenge myself to go against what is considered normal in the eyes of others. When hearing these topics it is automatically driven towards the ideology of a man having multiple women when it is just the same for women to have multiple men. Men are seen to have more dominance in the decisions and roles of poly relationships. I feel that women should have the same input and decision-making when it comes these things. I would have at least three. Hahaha! I'm kidding but definitely one other partner.

Would this be considered an open relationship?

• Polygamy is the practice of legally marrying more than one person.

• Polyamory is the act of being in a consensual relationship with more than one person without being legally married.

The Way We Were Before

I want to get back to where we prayed

Stayed all night at each other’s house, partying,

Falling asleep on the couch

Backyard cookouts

Text, social media, emails have ruined

Picking up the phone, stopping by like

Hey! “What are you doing?”

Didn’t have anything to do with last name

All we knew was that our skin was the same

Our ancestors endured the same pain

Still fighting over, she and he

Return to the African traditions of polygyny

Get rid of the modern-day sidepiece

He, she, we need to understand

That this is deeper than colored skin

It is the blood that flows within

Destroy black on black genocide

Network, with your brothers and sisters

To see who all has ties

An invention, business,

buying land and livestock

Put an end to us being the laughingstock

Coming together should be easier than

600 slaves on a boat ride from our own land

Get rid of the mindset of I’m better than you man

Let’s back to the way we were before.

©Ife Folami Mensah