When speaking on love one may associate love with pain while another may associate love with a deep feeling of affection. However, there is no definite answer to why we love... Love is not something that we are taught but rather a natural emotion we feel towards someone else. In some instances, it is not always reciprocated in the same way that it is delivered. Love has both positive and negative connotations depending on one's experience with this feeling.
"Have enough courage to trust love one more time and always one more time."
-Maya Angelou
According to the Greek language there are four types of love:
Eros (Romantic): Represents romantic, passionate love, often associated with physical attraction.
Philia (Friendship): Describes the love between friends, based on shared values and mutual respect.
Storge (Familial): Refers to natural affection, particularly within family bonds.
Agape (Unconditional): Signifies selfless, unconditional love, often considered the highest form of love.
Amongst these different types, this made me analyze and assess where I was with self-love.
Before, I would associate love with pain because the pain I felt was from being available to any and everyone.
I didn't have defined boundaries of what I was willing to deal with or not deal with. I was looking for someone else to love me, allowing them to love me the way they wanted to and not how I wanted to be loved. Someone asked me, how did I want them to love me and I couldn't answer the question. The reason why is because I didn't know. I often put on the fake smiles and dressed myself hoping no one could tell I was living in darkness. I disguised it with makeup, wigs, tattoos, piercings, and revealing clothes. Hoping that they would see that before seeing that I was a mess inside.
Oh baby, but when I found out that I could love myself unconditionally, I took off! I embraced everything about me. I loved the mistakes I made, I fell in love with who and what I was. I started to set boundaries because if you can't love me like I love me then what are we doing?
Love me loud, love me unconditionally and keep no records of my rights or wrongs, love me soft, love me for me being perfectly imperfect, love me to death, love me like you love you.
Love is a word that is thrown around so loosely, during sex and friendships. Oftentimes, loyalty is mistaken with love and vice versa. The difference between the two is when loyalty is broken or betrayal happens you can cut that person off easily but with love it is not so easy.
It is only right that I mention lust to point out the misconceptions of love. Lust comes from having a strong attraction to someone physically but can also be emotionally. People enjoy how others make them feel. My experience with lust has mainly been sexually when it is too good to let go easily. Love was nowhere in the equation I just couldn't imagine letting the sex go. There was no regard to respect, encompassing care, commitment, or a desire for a deeper connection beyond attraction. The feelings of lust is closely relative to love and can be mistaken emotionally.
According to the third level of Maslow's hierarchy of needs is love and belonging. We are naturally social beings and desire the need of intimacy and love, we desire to receive and give love and have emotional connections to others. Love is not a bad thing, in fact it is a beautiful experience when you know how you want to be loved, understanding what love is and properly loving you to know exactly how you want someone else to love you.
So for this Valentine's day I challenge you to love on yourself, love on your boo and please make love!!!
"Love don't love Nobody"
If I waited on love
I would be looking at my watch every time my heart struck
Love gets to the highest peak, so quickly
and end as fast as, your instructed to remove your seatbelt
and exit slowly.
Love will have you tripping
and ready to end your life
because you never took the time to be in love with yourself
to know exactly what love should feel like
so you accept anything from anyone
until you are finally done
Resting in peace, clarity and self awareness
No one will be able to love you undesirably to your needs
because you've realized, that love don't love nobody
until you love yourself
So loud that the fragrance enlightens others to sense
that you are no longer awaiting love, but awaiting
for the perfect match, that has reached the lowest peak
and ready for the ride to start slowly and end quickly
without instructions to exit but continuously ride
as many times as the finger band allows.
-Earth Waters
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