Have you ever gone through your partner's phone or personal stuff? What did you find?
Like they say, "You're going to find what you're looking for." -Maryland White
The Black Box
It was a hot summer day when I decided to travel to the country with my boyfriend at the time and his sister. I rode in the back so that I could gaze out the window and admire the land and other green scenery. Before I knew it, we had arrived at his grandmother's house. I didn't pay any attention to the things that were thrown around the SUV when I got in. But for some reason, this box was screaming my name as it was pushed under the seat. I was asked if I would get out and quickly responded no because I intended to snoop into this box. Little did I know his sister was going to refuse as well and decided to stay in the truck. This threw a monkey wrench into the deep probing I had planned to do. So, it was time to think smartly. I pretended to be digging into some luggage I had near the floor, as I was digging with my left hand, I was using my right hand to open the box. When opening this box there was a load of different pictures of different people. The deeper I dug the pictures became more interesting. The first picture was of what appeared to be his grandfather. At this point, I sort of felt bad for probing, but that did not stop me. I continued to go for pictures 1, 2, and 3... To my surprise, there were a ton of pornography photos shot by no other but my boyfriend at the time. By the time I reached the bottom, I found myself staring back at myself. It was a photo that I recently gave him of me in a black jumper. I was not naked guys! I became furious not because he had the photos but why was mine hidden underneath this filth? As I reached the bottom his sister replied, don't go through my brother's stuff and attempt to get the box. By this time, he is walking out and seeing what was happening. He seemed upset but had a smirk on his face. He states "Why are you going through my things anyway?" At this point, I am boiling with anger and frustration towards him and his sister. I asked to be taken home after riding for two hours already... I never considered if the pictures were old; if they belonged to someone else, if he had planned to throw them out along the way, or anything. I probably should've just asked to see what his plans were for them. Wait, I could have apologized for even going through his things without permission.
Computer Love
Finally, I had sent the children off to school and my boyfriend at the time had just left for work. All I could think about was checking the emails that I had been accumulating over the past week. I noticed my email was closed out and my boyfriend's inbox was open. I became curious about what business he handles. I scrolled only to find an email from his cell phone number. The email appeared to be on a personal level because the subject line read pictures. It took one click and boom there she was posing for him in her white tank top. He was sending pictures that were sent to him from his phone to his email. He thought this was a safe place to go back and view the pictures rather than him saving them on the phone and me finding out about it. But his carelessness chose otherwise. I immediately called him and asked who was the woman in the photos and why were they sent to his email. I could tell he was shocked as he stuttered the words, "She just sent them to me and I sent it to my email to see who it was. "Assumingly, he forgot that her name was attached to this email, and to myspace I went. I searched high and low for her but the old faithful Facebook led me in the direction in which I searched. I was in search of the very thing that would cause me emotional pain. This is not to say be anyone's fool in a relationship. There will be ups and downs and all matters should be addressed and communicated with your partner. To have a better outcome in issues or a breakup is to have emotional intelligence when dealing with yourself and others. Our response to matters is everything, this could either break or make a situation.
I was in the wrong because I shouldn't have snooped into his things.
I am thankful for my experiences and wisdom. If things are not in plain sight, I refuse to go looking for anything. I am in tune with myself, my worth, and the power of trust. The most challenging thing I deal with is balancing emotions and feelings with facts. Sometimes, I feel that things are not right and I will respond in a way that may not be valid to what I am feeling. Negative energy is a real thing, negative thinking and being toxic is real. There is no other way to survive this illness other than healing your deeply rooted traumas. We often carry past negative experiences with us as a safeguard or shield for our next relationships. This hinders a positive and healthy relationship with anyone we become involved with. It is not always the other person but, in some cases, we are our biggest enemy causing toxicity to form all around us.
He shouldn't have had naked pictures in the first place.
Talking to others about our "real" issues is not always easy. But I advise seeking therapy or finding ways to heal yourself. I practiced writing down on sticky notes things that I wanted to let go of. I started a fire as I roasted marshmallows and meditated around the fire. For each sticky note, I let go into the fire, I gave thanks and meditated on the benefits of letting go. Let me make this clear, transforming is not a one-time thing but it is the renewing of yourself daily. Having someone afraid to stand when things become ugly will not benefit you on this journey. You do not have to be alone while healing yourself. Just having the right person that understands the journey of it all will not only join you but will make it a personal commitment to guide you both to the destiny that has been ordained for your life. There is yin-yang in every relationship. Learn to balance each other out where there is a lack and be the support for one another. There seem not to be many rules to relationships nowadays. Trust seems to be the leading cause of failed relationships next to the lack of communication. Therefore, I would advise going into a new relationship with 100% trust until there is reason to move your trust scale.
Follow me for more relationship tips...
Do not go looking for areas of mistrust.
Leave the phone on the nightstand and go to sleep lol!
Do not snoop through social media pages, comments, and likes
Let your partner hang out without you
Allow your partner to have friends of the opposite sex
Do not set a curfew for your partner
Share without Care
If you went through your partner's things, what did you find?
Did you find what you were looking for?
Would you blame yourself for the hurt you encountered if it turned out bad?
Did you apologize for not trusting him/her, after finding nothing?
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